Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Do you wear a mask?
In fifth-century Athens, when two actors played all the parts in a Greek theatre production, the actors would wear different masks to signify a different persona. Can you picture having a conversation with someone holding up a mask? Well many of us do it every day. Now you know I’m not being literal here. I’m talking about an invisible mask that magically shields our thoughts, energy and emotions from others.
Why would someone wear a mask? One reason is they think that if people knew who they really were, they wouldn’t be liked, respected or even loved. As a result we hold up a mask of the person that we want others to see. We do this to protect ourselves because we may feel we don’t measure up and we don’t want people to see us. Some have held their mask for so long that they don’t know what it feels like without the mask.
Holding up a mask takes an inordinate amount of energy … being you takes much less. It's about accepting yourself for who you are. Loving the imperfect you. The first step is awareness. Ask yourself in every interaction "is this the real me". If you can do this you are on your way to reclaiming that energy.
Why would someone wear a mask? One reason is they think that if people knew who they really were, they wouldn’t be liked, respected or even loved. As a result we hold up a mask of the person that we want others to see. We do this to protect ourselves because we may feel we don’t measure up and we don’t want people to see us. Some have held their mask for so long that they don’t know what it feels like without the mask.
Holding up a mask takes an inordinate amount of energy … being you takes much less. It's about accepting yourself for who you are. Loving the imperfect you. The first step is awareness. Ask yourself in every interaction "is this the real me". If you can do this you are on your way to reclaiming that energy.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Stirring the Pot ... a distraction
With the advent of the 24 hour news cycle, everything is news! The supermarket tabloid "news" can now be found in mainstream media on websites and cable channels. This snooping and barrage of half truths has taken water cooler talk to a new level. It's even evident in the "reality" shows that have grown to be standard fare over the past decade. It's all about drama, stirring the pot.
This drama takes us away from what's really important. If we are focused on everything outside of us, we have no time to focus on us. We have no time to look within. When was that last time you took a few moments to take a look at yourself? When was that last time you slowed down to take stock of all your activities and behaviors. Are you on track? Do you even have a track?
Right now you have time to do this! Don't listen to that inner voice that says "do it later". That voice does not have your best interest at heart. Do it right now. Take five minutes to self assess. Think of all that you do and all that you can do. Think of yourself, relationships and family. Stir your own pot!
This drama takes us away from what's really important. If we are focused on everything outside of us, we have no time to focus on us. We have no time to look within. When was that last time you took a few moments to take a look at yourself? When was that last time you slowed down to take stock of all your activities and behaviors. Are you on track? Do you even have a track?
Right now you have time to do this! Don't listen to that inner voice that says "do it later". That voice does not have your best interest at heart. Do it right now. Take five minutes to self assess. Think of all that you do and all that you can do. Think of yourself, relationships and family. Stir your own pot!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Don't assume that your version is the Truth
Wouldn't it be nice if you had "Factcheck.org" available to you in all of the difficult conversations in your life? I find the "truth" is something that is very elusive these days. The 24/7 new cycle finds people playing fast and loose with the truth and it's contagious.
Some believe something is true just because they see it in print in major media or in the blog-o-sphere! When engaging in any negotiation or difficult conversation, don’t assume that your version of the situation is “the truth”.
Often we walk into interactions with others thinking that we’ve got everything that we need to handle the situation. We forget that our version is simply that, a version. Success in this interaction will require that we get as much information as possible to paint a more precise picture and to give us greater perspective.
Today, we are lucky if we ever get to the actual facts. But I believe that we should still strive to educate ourselves and always search for the truth.
Some believe something is true just because they see it in print in major media or in the blog-o-sphere! When engaging in any negotiation or difficult conversation, don’t assume that your version of the situation is “the truth”.
Often we walk into interactions with others thinking that we’ve got everything that we need to handle the situation. We forget that our version is simply that, a version. Success in this interaction will require that we get as much information as possible to paint a more precise picture and to give us greater perspective.
Today, we are lucky if we ever get to the actual facts. But I believe that we should still strive to educate ourselves and always search for the truth.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Apology: the past and the future
How may apologies have you heard in the media lately? Too many to count. The formula for a good apology follows the 3 R's: 1. assume RESPONSIBILITY, 2. demonstrate REGRET, and 3. offer a Remedy. But there is more ... and it's about expectations.
Taking responsibility in an apology requires much more than saying "it was my fault". It requires that you fully understand the consequences and are willing to accept them. The truly difficult part is that the consequences may hurt in that you may not get to continue on the same path that you were on before you made the mistake. Your actions may have cost you that privilege. It could be a mistake you made on the job or in a valued relationship. While the other party may forgive you, that doesn't mean that you get to come back.
Taking responsibility means that you grow from the mistake, accept your new circumstances, and find a way to create a new path. That path may lead in a new direction or could take you back to a familiar one. The only certainly is that what happens next all depends on what you've learned and how you integrate those new learnings into new actions.
Taking responsibility in an apology requires much more than saying "it was my fault". It requires that you fully understand the consequences and are willing to accept them. The truly difficult part is that the consequences may hurt in that you may not get to continue on the same path that you were on before you made the mistake. Your actions may have cost you that privilege. It could be a mistake you made on the job or in a valued relationship. While the other party may forgive you, that doesn't mean that you get to come back.
Taking responsibility means that you grow from the mistake, accept your new circumstances, and find a way to create a new path. That path may lead in a new direction or could take you back to a familiar one. The only certainly is that what happens next all depends on what you've learned and how you integrate those new learnings into new actions.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Paying It Forward
The laws of physics state that a body at rest will stay at rest unless exerted on by an external force. When we do something kind for someone, a totally selfless act where we stand to gain nothing but the pleasure of knowing we helped, we exert a force on someone's internal kindness.
We all have the internal capacity to give of ourselves to others. Sharing our time, talents and resources with others in need is a powerful force. And face it, we are all in need at one time or another. Your act might be a kind word to someone who is having a difficult day, supporting a friend when things aren't going right or volunteering your time for a worthy cause. Sometimes it takes that extra step out of our comfort zone to make that happen.
Understand that your small gesture plants a seed in others. It may sprout immediately or in time. Small gifts are as powerful as water wearing away stone. The results aren't immediately apparent, but over the years a change appears.
Magically, that one little selfless gesture that you made to lift someone's spirits, that seed you planted, turns around and lifts your own.
We all have the internal capacity to give of ourselves to others. Sharing our time, talents and resources with others in need is a powerful force. And face it, we are all in need at one time or another. Your act might be a kind word to someone who is having a difficult day, supporting a friend when things aren't going right or volunteering your time for a worthy cause. Sometimes it takes that extra step out of our comfort zone to make that happen.
Understand that your small gesture plants a seed in others. It may sprout immediately or in time. Small gifts are as powerful as water wearing away stone. The results aren't immediately apparent, but over the years a change appears.
Magically, that one little selfless gesture that you made to lift someone's spirits, that seed you planted, turns around and lifts your own.
Monday, September 7, 2009
... walk a mile in their shoes
Don't be quick to judge. For years I have heard people say that you can't understand someone until you've walked a mile in there shoes. I've always believed that but the meaning has become even more clear to me over the past several months. How we view an event determines the meaning that it has for us. We can view it from within the confines of our own thoughts, experiences and beliefs or we can choose to step out on the balcony to get a better view and perspective.
Over the past several months I have reacted differently to events that I would have considered to be non-starters or dead on arrival just a few short years ago. I'm not sure if it's wisdom gained by my 49 years or just a slow learner catching up. It's probably the effect of having four teenagers! Gaining the proper perspective seems to be one of the keys to making more informed decisions. Asking yourself questions that help you consider what that person was going through, what may have caused the incident, what needs to be done now, and what needs to happen to move forward. The bottom line is that it's already happened and we have to be prepared to move forward in a productive and not destructive way.
In the past I have criticized the actions of others in response to certain situations, but today I will strive to walk a mile in their shoes.
Over the past several months I have reacted differently to events that I would have considered to be non-starters or dead on arrival just a few short years ago. I'm not sure if it's wisdom gained by my 49 years or just a slow learner catching up. It's probably the effect of having four teenagers! Gaining the proper perspective seems to be one of the keys to making more informed decisions. Asking yourself questions that help you consider what that person was going through, what may have caused the incident, what needs to be done now, and what needs to happen to move forward. The bottom line is that it's already happened and we have to be prepared to move forward in a productive and not destructive way.
In the past I have criticized the actions of others in response to certain situations, but today I will strive to walk a mile in their shoes.
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