A Year in Review: Karma Exists

Yikes, another year has passed! Over the past several weeks, I’ve been noticing articles and shows that review the past year. They look at the big accomplishments, notable deaths, disasters, major challenges and unusual events of the past year. It made me think about my life and the challenges, accomplishments, notable deaths, and decisions that I had made. What were my actions and reactions to daily events? If I did a year in review, of my life would I be proud of all the decisions that I made or would I want to sweep some of them under a rug?

Two days ago, while checking out of a hotel with my family, I noticed something was wrong with my bill. Surprisingly, the bill was half of what it should have been. You see, we had planned to check in at 11:30 pm; however, we got stuck in a snowstorm (slept nearly four hours in our SUV) and ended up checking in around 3:30 in the morning. Such a late check in caused the hotel computers to list our stay as one night instead of two. My first thought was that we had just saved some money, yes! My immediate next thought was that we had stayed two nights and we needed to pay for two nights. It was as if I had a small angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. We are faced with decisions like this one every day. These seemingly small decisions shape who we are as a person. The culmination of these decisions determines our future situation in one, five, ten years and beyond.

I walked back to the hotel desk and showed them the error on my bill. I explained the situation and they thanked me for my honesty. They actually looked at me as if they were surprised that I would bring this to their attention. As it turned out, they didn’t change the bill because it would have required a herculean computer feat. Either way, my conscious was clear. I had to ask myself if I could honestly say that I was a person that lived with integrity. I will also tell you that I haven’t always made the right decision. That day was a victory and we should celebrate our victories. In the car on the way home, we had the discussions that you would expect. Some felt that I did the right thing and others thought that the big hotel chain wouldn’t be hurt.

To me it’s all about karma. For every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first event. Like it or not, you are the decisions that you make. I challenge you to look your “year in review”. Did you create good or bad karma based on the decisions that you made. What does that say about you as a person and is that the person that you want to be?

Many decisions lie ahead. You’ll make one in the next few minutes. Make sure it reflects who you want to be.

Who are you?

The other evening I happened upon a shameless summer replacement show on television called ‘True Beauty”. While the show has many flaws, the gist is that contestants, while in pursuit of a prize, are knowingly and unknowingly recorded in real and “set-up” activities. As part of the judging process for determining if the contestants are “True Beauty” inside and out, the contestants are replayed hidden camera recordings of their interactions with others. While some of their recorded activities show them to be caring and charitable, other footage is truly embarrassing. Contestants saw how they responded to compromising and delicate situations. The interesting thing is that they all had flaws. Good to know right! Sometimes our behaviors betray us. We think we are one type of person but our behaviors portray us as a different person.

The most important thing to remember is that you get to decide, through your behaviors, who you really are. Think about ALL your interactions with others. Could your life hold up to the scrutiny of the hidden camera? All we can do is be really observant of our own behavior. Be your own hidden camera. Make you own choices.The hope is that over time your choices will get better.

Run, Grow, Transform

What leadership skills do you possess? Over the past several years, businesses have had to take a hard look in the mirror to determine who they are and where they are headed. Large companies with multiple lines of business will surely have diverse businesses in different stages of development. In a recent conversation with a client, we were discussing the skills it takes for a leader to grow, run, or transform a business. While I believe, it is possible to be a triple threat, a term alluding to a person who is adept in three fields/skills, I’ve witnessed many a leader build their career with a singular focus.

Look at your skills. Do you have the ability and vision to embrace ambiguity, disrupt and work through change? Transformers thrive in this environment. Do you get energy from ensuring that the day-to-day operations run smoothly and efficiently? On the other hand, do you embrace the challenge of taking your business to the next level, growing your opportunities?

When I look at the world of sports, some coaches are challenged and skillful around rebuilding teams. Take Larry Brown, current coach of the Charlotte Bobcats professional basketball team, as one example. Recently he rebuilt a Detroit franchise into a champion, failed in an attempt to rebuild a New York team and is now successfully turning around his Bobcats. These leaders thrive on transforming and usually move to a different opportunity when they have reached their goal. Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson’s skills are in maintaining a high performing organization. While both these situations take different leadership skills, each leader is extremely valuable to their organization during that business cycle.

What do you want to be known for? Take stock of your experiences and capabilities. Determine what brings you joy and energy. Showcase your talent.

Shine a light in the darkness

Many are celebrating Martin Luther King's birthday as I write this post. When I think of Dr. King's body of work, I'm amazed at what he was able to accomplish during his short time with us. While Dr. King is certainly an African American icon, what he stood for touches all. It is ageless and colorless. While he struggled with life’s challenges as many of us do, he is a reminder of what we should be in our lives. A reminder of what we can be to others. Injustice and inequities exist in all aspects of our lives. It could be a neighbor being treated unfairly, a child being neglected, or someone being disrespected. What you do when you witness an inequity or injustice says something about you as a person. Do you stand up and shed light on what is happening or do you pretend not to see. Do you speak out when you witness unfairness or do you stay quiet?

King shined a light in the darkness. He put a spotlight on inequities and injustices and made them visible for all to see. He helped a people move forward, which helped all move forward. Where are you shining a light?

Is this item in your resolution?

If you've made any type of resolution for 2010, you absolutely need to be certain that your plan includes regular checkpoints. When I say checkpoint, I am talking about a moment where you stop and review what's happen to date or review the last period. It's simply a progress to goal review.

I'm telling you a checkpoint is critical because it can protect you from failure! When your resolve starts to go south, a checkpoint can be there to stop the slide. It forces you to look at the situation and ask yourself questions such as: What actions moved me toward or away from my goal? Where those things within my control or outside my control? What positive activity do I need to continue or what negative activity do I need to stop? ... and ... What do I need to do to get back on track?

The period between checkpoints should be long enough that they don't seem like work, but short enough so that you can correct the behavior without digging yourself too big of a hole. I do my checkpoints every Sunday. Even if it lasts just a few moments, it helps me to refocus and redirect if needed.

If you haven't already, plan regular checkpoints ... they will help you reinforce your resolve.

Blame is easy ...

Ownership is hard. It's hard because it requires the you take some measure of responsibility. Make an acknowledgment that it was in someway your fault. Yes, you faltered and rumor has it that you may not even be perfect. If you've watched the downfall of the most recent celebrity du jour, they've likely given their "mea culpa" speech where they shouldered the blame. It would be great if it wasn't done on the advice of their publicist, but at least it was done. While we'll rarely know someone's intent, all we can do is take them at their word and then see if they back it up with actions.

The same holds true for you. While your words important your actions take it to the next level. If you need advice on your next mistake, and there will one, I'll be your publicist with this free advice. Fall on your sword. A mentor once told me that if you can find 10% that's your fault, keep looking because there is probably more. People distrust folks with all the answers and seldom take the blame. It's possible to take the blame and keep your power, in fact, you could even gain credibility and respect. The key is that you have be sincere. We can all spot a fake, and if you are spotted you could lose credibility.

Remember, before you blame, point the finger at yourself first.

Tough Conversations: Leave "you" out of it

Tough conversations are just that because we are trying to express an important issue that we've tied to an emotion. When we try to express a "fact" through our emotional lens, many times it comes out as an opinion. We heap gasoline onto the fire when we add the word "you". We've all said it ..."You did this or that". Once you have uttered the accusatory "you", your chances of getting through to the person have now decreased. Even if your intent was honorable, the impact could be devastating. The last thing that you want to do is have them defend themselves, and this is exactly what you have done.

Replace the "you" with an "I" statement. An example would sound like "I felt bored" rather than "you were boring". Using "I" statements is the first step. It puts the onus on you because it's what you felt, you are simply telling them your experience. The second step is to be more specific. "I felt bored when your voice was monotone (or lacking inflection)”. Telling your experience and specifically what may have caused it, helps them listen to your point of view. Sharing the cause gives them something to work on. Saying you were bored gives them absolutely nothing to improve. They just get frustrated because they don't know what to do with the comment.

The next time you are having a tough conversation, be mindful of the way your words frame your message.