Don't say it

Your significant other, close relative or friend has just said something that you disagree with. Either they are challenging you, baiting you or just trying to get the last word. I'll bet that nine times out of ten that this conversation rates extremely low on the importance scale. You know that if you say what's on the tip of your tongue, further escalation will ensue. This happened to me last week and in that "moment of truth", that second in time where I realized I had a choice to say something or let it go, I decided not to say it. Now that sounds like I chose to do the right thing; however, what I didn't tell is that I smirked. That's right, I smirked.

We'll you know as well as I do that a smirk is just as bad or worse than a retort. Without words I had escalated the disagreement. A mentor of mine shared some sage advice with me years ago. He said that if you really feel that you absolutely must say something. I mean that you literally feel like you are going to burst if you don't say something, that's your cue not to say it.. Don't utter a word, make a noise or any sort of facial expression. Let it pass. Let it go. You'll be a better person for it. That's what I keep telling myself.

Just a few extra steps

Last week I had a revelation after a quick visit to the local Costco. For those of you who frequent big box stores like Costco, B.J.'s and Sam's Club, you know there is no such thing as a quick visit. It was one of those grocery trips where you run in for two things but somehow spend $115. It happens every time a grab a cart... but I digress. That was not my revelation. As I pushed my grocery cart to the car I noticed rogue grocery carts strewn throughout the parking lot sans an owner. It looked like the gates to the corral opened and the freed horses were milling around the asphalt plains.

While there were plenty of cart corrals in the parking lot, apparently they weren't close enough. As I silently fumed, the older gentleman that got out of the car next to me remarked, "people are so lazy". As he said this, the approximately 70+ man began to gather the cars in the vicinity and push them towards the closest corral. While I was so proud that I put "my" cart back,I realized that I walked by at least five rogue carts on my way to the corral. When I started writing this blog post it was going to be about how sometimes we get lazy and inconsiderate, like dumping your cart in the lot. When you take a cart there is an implied contract that you will return it to it's proper home (common courtesy). My thought was that if we can't take care of the small agreements in our lives, how are we going to handle the big ones!

What I realized, as I began writing, was that my "AH HA" wasn't about the others being lazy, it was about how I responded. In my haste to be the better person, I walked by six carts that I could have taken just as easily to the corral. Now I realize that I was no better than the folks who abandon their carts throughout the day. How many of us do this? What does that say about how we treat people? Do we walk out of church and pretend we don't see the homeless person asking for help? Do we throw our trash in the bin then walk by trash on the ground. Are we so caught up in judging others that we fail to see how we can grow? Should we pay more attention to how we can help? I don't know what the answer is, but I think that my test started with those carts and I failed. Next time I won't.

Don't lose your life in the details...

... live it there.

When it was my turn to cook for two families at our vacation rental house, I was excited to whip up my favorite dish. Stress began to seep in when the proper pans, spices and utensils weren’t at my fingertips in this strange kitchen. My timing was off and nothing was cooking as expected. In my funk, I spurned offers of help and wallowed in my self pity as I finished preparing the meal. As our families sat down to eat, I found a rocker on the front porch and let go the anxiety of my kitchen ordeal. When I returned to the table, the meal was nearly done and the family moment concluded. I had lost perspective. While worrying about my performance, I had missed the most important part of a family meal ... enjoying special moments.

Have you missed special moments in your life because you’ve stressed over stuff that just doesn't matter? Don't sweat the details, live your life in them. Live in the small special moments that aren't announced, planned or on your calender. It's not the wedding, graduation or promotion. It's everything that happens in between the "big" moments that we should pay attention to. The learning and the living is in the journey.